About the opportunity

• You’ll be one of many witchers responsible for the tracking and removal of all manners of monsters, beasts, demons, rogues, and more.
• Must have your own equipment! A horse, two swords, and a variety of potions are a must, while armors, chains, and other tools are recommended.
• Multitasking will be your normal. You’ll need to be able to carry out your current job while also providing mentorship for a young witcher because you will come to realize that it is your Destiny.
• Great for nature lovers—you will spend a large amount of your working day out of doors.
• We love horse people! If your best friend and trusted therapist growing up was a horse, you will fit right in.

The perfect candidate will

• Hold a four-year degree from an accredited Witcher school or have equivalent life experience
• Be able to lift several hundred pounds overhead repeatedly
• Not be afraid to work independently and spend long periods of time alone; water coolers are few and far between
• Have an innate understanding of the lesser evil and the greater good
• Demonstrate excellent verbal communication skills, knowing how to negotiate with a wide variety of clients; written communication skills are a plus
• Be comfortable with a fast pace in all types of job environments, from city to swamp to forest to mountain
• Maintain flexibility—enough to duck a swinging tentacle or tangle with a ghoul—while being rigid enough to ignore the shouts of a crowd or the magical traps of a wizard
• Agree that the worst monsters are the ones we create

Those interested in applying for the satirical position can find the submission details at the bottom of the job listing. Netflix’s The Witcher is now available through the streaming platform.

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