DFTG Reviews Coffee Crisis (PC) – “So Much Metal-Fueled Caffeinated Fun”

What is there to say about Coffee Crisis? It’s fun. In fact, it is some of the most fun I’ve had playing a game in quite some time. The premise of the title is rather absurd, but to the point that it is charming. Mega Cat Studios has found a way to blend glorious metal music, 16-bit graphics, an overt appreciation for coffee, aliens, and turn it into hours of mayhem and joy. The game was originally released for the Sega Genesis in February 2017 (yup, physical cartridge and all), but recently made its way to PC via Steam. Being a lover of coffee and metal music myself, I had to play it.

Coffee Crisis focuses on baristas Nick and Ashley from the Black Forge Coffee House. When the evil Smurglian race arrives on Earth, they have one objective – steal the planet’s “three most prized commodities”: coffee, free WiFi, and heavy metal. First off, over our dead bodies. Second, good luck with that. Needless to say, the two baristas take matters into their own hands to save the world. At least they are kind enough to let their customers know where they are when the shop is closed.

The gameplay in Coffee Crisis is quite reminiscent of titles like Golden Axe and Streets of Rage. There are enemies that must be defeated before they obtain the precious coffee, and in order to do so, you must fight your way through them using a few different moves. Nick carries around a sack of coffee beans as his weapon of choice, while Ashley is rocking an espresso maker. Practical weapons, am I right? There are other destruction-bringing items along the way, including swords, weird alien hook-like guns that shoot little orbs (great for keeping enemies at a distance), and other tools that come in handy when you don’t want to get up close and personal with the aliens.

Speaking of the enemy, not only do you have to worry about a handful of aliens trying to take you down, but the elderly are also out in full force with walkers and canes that are ready to catch you off your guard. Other humans have been assimilated, but none deadlier than the old folks. Okay, a few deadlier than them.

Luckily, there are power-ups along the way to help you in your quest. Entire carafes of coffee help fully replenish your HP, while other small items only partially revive those precious hit points. What you’re really looking for, however, is the almighty invincible power-up. Picking up this bad boy will allow you to flail around amidst the chaos and down baddies without taking damage. Unfortunately, this doesn’t last as long as one would hope, but it is definitely useful when aliens and their human minions are swarming all around you.

As for the mechanics of Coffee Crisis, first off, using a controller is definitely the way to go. Plugging an Xbox 360 controller into my PC was a quality of life adjustment that was necessary. After choosing your peripheral, you then have to tackle some frustrating mechanics. It’s definitely not all bad, but a few hit boxes might be off and it’s possible that there is some unavoidable damage afoot. It can be difficult to tell when you’re in the middle of the mayhem, but it feels like it’s there. The damage could also be attributed to my all up in your face, go get ’em play style, so I’m not too broken up about it. Others’ experience will certainly vary, but it’s all part of the package.

Outside of those couple hiccups, the game is solid. Coffee Crisis, while it may be a bit short in length, brings a ton of fun to the table. When encountering enemies, different screen modifications can pop up. Everything could appear red, the screen could crack as if it were glass, making fights a bit more challenging, and other wild goodies you need to experience for yourself.

There are only ten stages that take about an hour or so to complete, but once the game is finished, players can go back through in Death Metal Mode if they really want a challenge. Plus, 35 Steam achievements are up for grabs, which makes playing the game even more enjoyable. Just watch out for the “possessed grannies.” The game also offers localized co-op, so if you’ve got an equally caffeinated friend, have them join in on the alien slaying action.

Twitch and Mixer integration is even available if you’re looking to try your luck at saving the world while your viewers potentially mess with you. Even without the interference from an audience, the modifiers and enemies are completely randomized each time you jump in, offering up a different experience every playthrough. One of the cooler aspects of this game, while it may be small, is the use of a level code. If you run out of lives and get the dreaded Game Over screen, entering the code in the Password option on the main menu will bring you back to where you were.

The cherry on top, you ask? When you beat the game, you’re given cheats for your next playthroughs. Infinite lives, instakill enemies, skip level, and always enable minigame. Talk about awesome! Coffee Crisis is currently available on PC and Sega Genesis.

Bottom Line →

Coffee Crisis is practically what anyone would want out of an old school brawler. It’s got the fantastic art style, the absolutely rockin’ heavy metal music, and the all too important coffee. In fact, you’re going to want to brew a pot of that liquid goodness just to keep those peepers open and that trigger finger happy as you undoubtedly grind away at all of the difficulties in Coffee Crisis. Once you obtain those delightful cheat codes, you’ll be unstoppable as you pummel your way through those pesky Smurglians. Although the game is a bit short, it is oh so much metal-fueled caffeinated fun. At an incredibly reasonable $5.99 on Steam, I cannot recommend this beat ’em up enough.

9.5/10

Eric Garrett1509 Posts

Eric is an editor and writer for Don't Feed the Gamers. When he is not staring at a computer screen filled with text, he is usually staring at a computer screen filled with controllable animations. Today's youth call this gaming. He also likes to shoot things. With a camera, of course.

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