If you are a fan of challenging puzzles, robots, rogue-like stealth games, and eating … furniture, Not the Robots is just the game for you! I recently stumbled upon this little gem, developed by 2DArray and published by TinyBuild, while perusing about Steam and the goodies it had to offer on sale. Seeing the first image on the store page, I was intrigued. What would I, a robot, be doing in what looks like an office that is made to look like an office, but actually just houses things for an office. Each level is procedurally generated so you will not play the same level twice. Ever. With a Very Positive rating on Steam, combined with the fact that it was on sale, I decided to pick it up. Even though the few hours I have put into it have been increasingly tough, I have no regrets!

In what was regarded as 2013’s Most Exciting Roguelike Stealth Furniture Eating Simulator, Not the Robots has you play as a robot who has to do exactly that; eat the furniture. You traverse offices, and the buildings in which they are contained, attempting to eat all of the furniture. However, that furniture that you’re eating? It is also your cover from the oscillating lasers of doom and the sentries of destruction! The more you play and the more you eat, the harder each level becomes. The lasers come in two varieties: an orange-ish laser that is about head level and can easily be ducked under, and a blue laser that is knee level that you better find cover or it will hurt. Really hurt. Double red lasers? There’s no escape.

If C-3PO had a skull under that shiny, golden dome of his, I imagine it would look something like this. This is a sentry. It is a floating head that turns into a bringer of death upon noticing you. I believe this goes without saying….avoid these things at all costs. They are the ruiner of days. They will leave you alone after noticing you, but they will stay alert and continue to look for you. When you begin a level with sentries, you will notice that they kind of stick to a predetermined path, but it isn’t actually predetermined due to each level being procedurally generated. They will make a couple passes along the same route, and then change paths. It does not appear that they can detect you by sound, but only by a line of sight that is rather narrow. I’ve been able to slip past alongside them without detection. Either way, if they spot you, you better run, hide, rethink your decisions up until that point, and try to be even more stealthy.

Luckily, to aid you along in your quest to become the best damn furniture eater this side of the galaxy, various power-ups are scattered throughout the levels. Some of these include the ability to dig through walls, invisibility, sprinting, teleporting, health, and an extra life. The extra life definitely comes in handy because when you die, that’s it. Game over. While you may have to start from the beginning, your character continues to advance by gaining XP from eating the furniture. Leveling up unlocks perks such as better power-ups, missions, and challenges outside of the main campaign, and the ability to change the difficulty setting of the main campaign. Craziness ensues.

The way this game plays out is a real treat. I prefer games that you have to put serious thought into. Games that you have to take your time to ensure that you win. Not the Robots is a game that “run & gun” will not work. I’ve tried. Sure, you may be able to complete a level and return to your tube, but I promise you will not have much health left, and that low level of health carries on to the next level. I should also mention that there are bonuses for completing a level without being harmed, and for eating everything. You don’t have to eat everything to complete the level; you just have to fill your Food meter. But where’s the fun in that? Did I also mention that there are tiles made of lava? There are tiles made of lava. And there are moving walls of lasers. And there are giant hovering numbers that you must pass through in the specified sequence to finish a level. Sometimes, all of these things coexist in the same level. This game is tough. Fun, but tough. And that’s the way it should be.

If I were to give this game a score in any way, as it stands, it would be damn near perfect. Now, I haven’t completed the game yet, but I refuse to give something a bad score just because it is difficult. The graphics are pleasing to look at, the mechanics of the game are smooth and everything seems to play out as naturally as a robot eating/absorbing furniture while dodging lasers and gunfire is to be expected. Plus, the soundtrack is rather fitting for such a game. My only hang up, and again, I haven’t played much, is that the story seems to be taking a backseat to the game itself. I’m hopeful that that changes with the more I play.

If you’re into rogue-like stealth puzzle games, I highly recommend that you check out Not the Robots. It is currently $9.99 on Steam and the trailer can be found here. What say you, gamers? Have you played Not the Robots? Liked it? Didn’t like it? Let me know in the comments!